Get yourself rugby-tackled by half a dozen air hostesses. Use these
, precision-crafted by the redoubtable Harry Hutton, on your next long-haul flight:
I’m flying to the US this afternoon. I’m going to try to smuggle a jar of Nivea cream on board. Then, half-way through the flight I’m going to stand up and scream, “Look out! There’s a balm on board. Salve yourselves! Aarrrggh!
A few years ago I was flying Caracas-London, and Liam Gallagher was in first class. “Tell the pilot there’s a bum on the plane,” I whispered to the flight attendant. But she didn’t laugh, the miserable sow.
What was Liam Gallagher doing in Caracas?